went out yesterday with an invisible boy who loves ben sherman with a passion. sat through conversations with other women and i thought i heard myself speaking. smacked out 300 and then i had a conversation with another man. roamed the empty quiet streets and found myself outside and inside the dark tower with sinking feelings in my stomach. was it all the mentos i had? was it something else.
my reflection is leaving town for godknowshowlong next week. i feel empty, i feel lost. i feel like something important is leaving me. something like losing your shadow i think.
today i drowned in a sea of tears while beth orton sang to me. the stars all seem to weep. when there's so much love to give there's never anytime for sleep. too much leaves an empty hollow hunger. toomuchisneverenough
today i drowned in sea of tears
today i drowned in a sea of memory
today i drowned in
you
today i remember how it hurts to say goodbye like the same sharp swords that sent me reeling a couple of years ago.
today i remember you so well. your colour, your smell. your warmth and your heat. your coolness and coldness too.
i remember you turning around in bed, with me wrapped around you and my heart clinging to you like a leaf to a tree.
i will remember for always
today
Why is it that i meet people who see right through me and each time i feel stripped bare and staring blankly into space? There is nothing between me and the path of desolation.
It doesn't interest me what you do for a living. I want to know what you ache for, and if you dare to dream of meeting in your heart's longing.
It doesn't interest me how old you are. I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool for love, for your dreams, for the adventure of being alive.
It doesn't interest me what planets are squaring your moon. I want to know if you have touched the center of your own sorrow, if you have been opened by life's betrayals or have become shriveled and closed from fear of further pain.
I want to know if you can sit in pain, mine or your own, without moving to hide it or fade it or fix it.
I want to know if you can be with joy, mine or your own,if you can dance with wildness and let the ecstasy fill you to the tip of your fingers and toes without cautioning us to be careful, be realistic, or to remember the limitations of being human.
It doesn't interest me if the story you're telling me is true. I want to know if you can disappoint another to be true to yourself; if you can bear the accusation of betrayal and not betray your own soul.
I want to know if you can be faithful and therefore be trustworthy.
I want to know if you can see beauty even when it is not pretty every day, and if you can source your life from God's presence.
I want to know if you can live with failure, yours and mine, and still stand on the edge of a lake and shout to the silver of the full moon, "Yes!"
It doesn't interest me to know where you live or how much money you have.
I want to know if you can get up after the night of grief and despair, weary and bruised to the bone, and do what needs to be done for the children.
It doesn't interest me who you are, how you came to be here.
I want to know if you will stand in the center of the fire with me and not shrink back.
It doesn't interest me where or what or with whom you have studied.
I want to know what sustains you from the inside when all else falls away.
I want to know if you can be alone with yourself, and if you truly like the company you keep in the empty moments.
By Oriah Mountain Dreamer
(A Native American Elder)
So the mosaic music festival is over and yes, i am thankful for this cute little fest which attracted a diverse mix of acts this year.
I totally enjoyed the Brooklyn Funk Essentials and Tokyo Ska Paradise Orchestra; even though I was down's syndroming that night they were energetic and 'powerful' enough to keep me on my feet. Oh, and the thrombone player in TokyoSka is damn hot... drooooool.
Where would i be without music and all these wonderful tunes?
A friend of mine tells me that music IS the fourth dimension - so much an unseen part of life but really important and essential to life.
My best memories in this life involve music; being wrapped around lovingly by words set to music and thoughts streaming in between notes and a story between a cleft and then some treble.
Ah...
POST-OPERATIVE COMPLICATIONS FOLLOWING THE EXTRACTION OF MEMORY
In an ancient, gypsy
dictionary of dreams
are explanations of my name
and numerous
interpretations of all I’ll write.
What horror comes across me
when I come across myself
in such a dictionary!
But there I am:
a camel fleeing the slaughterhouses,
galloping toward the East,
pursued by processions
of knives and assessors,
women wielding
mortar and pestle for chop meat!
I do not consider myself a pessimist,
and I certainly don’t
suffer from the shock
of ancient, gypsy nightmares,
and yet, in the middle of the day,
whenever I turn on the radio,
or turn it off,
I breathe in a kind of historical,
theological leprosy.
Feeling the bonds of language
coming apart in my throat and loins,
I cease attending
to my sacred obligations:
barking, and the gnashing of teeth.
I confess!
I’ve been neglecting
my post-operative physiotherapy
following the extraction of memory.
I’ve even forgotten
the simplest way of collapsing
in exhaustion on the tile floor.
10.IV.1973© 1973, Taha Muhammad Ali
From: Never Mind: Twenty Poems and a Story
© Translation: 2000, Ibis Editions
Translated by Peter Cole, Yahya Hijazi and Gabriel Levin
Don't know but this is what i saw one night when i was looking at my friend sleeping. Weird eh? I wish i could draw better though; my skills are just so retarded; looks like kid's scribbling. *
I've taken a week off from work due to the dreaded cold, and i'm coughing up disgusting bits and my throat feels like the sahara. It's a welcomed break though, as I do find work a little too much to take at times. It doesnt pay very well and it sucks the living daylights out of my soul - I wonder why people don't tell you this before you sign up for careers you know? Like even McDonald's apple pies come with warnings, why not jobs?
what's cool today? Electrico! I caught them last night at NUS cultural centre and it was a great concert! *swoon* i have a crush on Dave - *swoon* and keyboardist is so hot too!
Yeah that's my craze for this weekend. GOOD ol' local music.
Just had to!
I just recently discovered the joys of Pandora Internet Radio. Questioning now why I bother buying so many CDs and spending hours at CDs shops chatting to wonderful helpstaff like the cute Fayn (at That CD shop) when this site just does it all for you!
Pandora lets you search for music you like and gives you more music of similar genre and sound; which is something that is hit and miss when you go CD shopping here sometimes. The people at Gramophone are generally pretty astute at getting stuff for me to listen to that i'd like; HMV people most often keep their opinions to themselves and I don't really have heaps of time to read music reviews. Plus some music reviews are just trash!
So right now as I am typing this, my Pandora generated song list is spewing out cool grooves in the likes of Lamb, and has listed people like Hybrid, Breakbeat Era and Curve. Yum.
Right now i am pretty hooked to Cicada though; ever since watching them perform at the Good Vibrations Festival here. They are such a fun band!
